“Therapy Just Isn’t for Me” – Why So Many People Stop Going (Or Never Even Start)
- Alina Gregory
- Jul 21
- 6 min read
"Therapy just isn’t for me.”
I’ve heard this phrase more times than I can count—friends, clients, even strangers online. And honestly, I do understand.
Here's an interesting fact: did you know that there are more than fifty different therapeutic approaches within counselling?
I’ve saved you a click: Types of therapy – BACP
Just because you’ve tried therapy once—or even a few times—and it didn’t help, doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It probably means you haven’t found the right method or the right person yet.
One size doesn’t fit all.
We’re all different. Some people need something gentle and person-centred (like humanistic counselling), while others benefit from more dynamic or structured approaches (like psychodynamic or CBT).
Some people want to focus on the here and now (mindfulness based or holistic like the one I offer), others feel the need to explore their childhood or deeper patterns. Some—on the other hand find traditional therapy re-traumatising—reliving the same pain every week by talking about it repeatedly. No wonder they give up.
Therapy is a relationship.
The therapist-client relationship is a huge part of whether therapy will be effective. You need to feel safe, understood, and respected—but not too comfortable. The space should feel safe but stretching, like a gym for your emotional muscles.
I often say: If you want to stay fit physically, you go to a personal trainer. If you want to take care of your mental health, you go to a mental health professional. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a smart investment in your wellbeing.
And yes, it’s okay to ask your therapist questions:
What’s your training and background?
What professional body are you registered with?
What’s your approach or specialism?
Are you in supervision yourself?
In the UK, the BPS (British Psychological Society) is the main professional body for psychologists, while the CMA (Complementary Medical Association) supports qualified professional practitioners in complementary and integrative medicine.
Good news! The Faculty of Holistic Psychology was granted official status within the British Psychological Society in 2004. It has since gone on to engage members in holistic, integrative approaches—demonstrating that chartered psychologists can incorporate holistic methods within a professional, research-informed framework.
Is the holistic approach science based?
Yes — absolutely. Holistic approaches can absolutely be science-based, especially when rooted in fields like psychoneuroimmunology, somatic psychology, nutrition and mental health, or mind-body therapies backed by research.
Other things to consider when choosing a therapist:
Gender: Who would you feel most comfortable with?
Availability: Weekly might be too much for some people. I preferred every other week because of my work schedule. Not every therapist offers it, and again, it depends on the therapeutic method, as regularity and continuation is essential in some practices.
Energy and vibe: Do you feel seen and heard—or are you holding back, filtering yourself to fit in, censoring your truth, shrinking to avoid judgment, second-guessing yourself, or performing instead of being real…?
Experience: One of the best therapists I ever worked with was a trainee. Experience is important, but connection is essential.
Men’s mental health matters.
We really need to talk about this more. Male suicide rates are still shockingly high, and far too many men are suffering in silence.
Movements like Movember and Men Walking and Talking are doing incredible work in breaking the stigma and creating safe spaces for men to open up.
I’ve even worked on a campaign supporting the Mo Bros—and I can tell you first-hand, they’re doing brilliant, life-saving work.
If you’re passionate about this, you can get involved or even create your own initiative (check it here).
See if there are any "Men Walking and Talking Community Groups" in your area. I found a few using FB browser.
For more: click here
Don’t try to please your therapist or counsellor.
One friend told me she stopped going to therapy because she couldn’t tell her counsellor how she really felt. Sometimes, she even pretended to understand something just to seem like a “good” client. She was afraid of being judged—or of somehow failing therapy.
This is more common than you’d think. Here's something to consider:
You are not there to impress your therapist. You don’t have to perform, pretend, or get it right. Therapy is one of the few places where you can (and should) show up exactly as you are—confused, messy, angry, numb, depressed over and over again, whatever.
Trust me, your story is valid. Therapists and counsellors have heard a huge variety of human experiences. Whatever you’re carrying, it’s welcome in the room.
A skilled counsellor or therapist will meet you there—with honesty, compassion, and zero judgment. That’s where the healing starts.
Useful article: click here
So how do you know if it’s working?
Therapy should feel:
Safe, but challenging at times
Flowing, but focused
Supportive, but not passive
You feel a healthy connection
You’re not there to be told what to do. In fact, a good therapist won’t tell you what to do at all. Instead, they’ll gently reflect, ask thoughtful questions, and hold up a mirror—so that you arrive at the insight yourself. That’s where real change happens. When it comes from within.
If it doesn’t feel right, keep going until you find someone with whom you truly click.Yes, it might cost you a bit of time and money to try a few out, but when you find the right fit—it’s life-changing.
Online or in person?
I used to think that in-person therapy was the only real kind. Sitting in a quiet room, face-to-face, just felt more personal.
But since the pandemic, I’ve changed my mind.
For me, having a session with a therapist online can be just as effective as in person.
It saves time, money on travel, and I can speak to my therapist from the comfort of my own home—sometimes even wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea or hot chocolate.
What matters most is not the format, but how connected you feel. Whether you’re on a screen or in a room together, it’s the relationship that does the healing.
Group or one-to-one?
Face-to-face counselling gives you a private, focused space to explore your personal journey. It’s just you and the therapist, and everything revolves around your experiences, emotions, and goals.
Group therapy or support groups, on the other hand, offer something different but equally valuable—you get to listen to others, witness their healing, and realise you’re not alone. Whether it’s a survivors’ group, grief circle, or AA meeting, Hearing other people’s stories can be incredibly moving and insightful—and it can make you feel less alone, especially when you realise others have gone through something similar.
Common Myths About Therapy
There are so many misconceptions about what therapy is supposed to look or feel like. Here are just a few I've heard here and there:
“Crying means I’m not coping / sign of a weakness.”
Actually, crying can be incredibly liberating. It’s not weakness—it’s release. Tears often come during a breakthrough or when your nervous system is processing something deeply. That’s your body doing what it’s designed to do: regulate and release stress hormones. Let them flow.
“There has to be constant improvement.”
Nope. Healing isn’t linear. Just like with physical health, we move through different stages—sometimes we’re recovering, sometimes we’re rebuilding, and sometimes we just need rest. Your emotional and mental health will have highs and lows too. Some sessions might feel heavy, quiet, or unclear—but that doesn’t mean it’s not working. Progress often happens beneath the surface.
“Therapy / counselling should always feel good.”
Not always. It can feel challenging at times. Sometimes it brings things up that you’ve spent years trying to push down. That’s not a bad sign—that’s progress. Growth often comes with discomfort. Have you heard of the phenomenon of Post-traumatic growth? Read here
Final thoughts
So if you’ve ever said, “Therapy just isn’t for me”—I hope this article brings you a little closer to finding the right fit.
You might need to shop around a bit until you find a therapist or counsellor you really click with—someone who’s on the same wavelength. That can take time, and yes, it might cost a bit in the short term. But trust me, it’s one of the most cost-effective investments you can make in yourself.
Because the right therapist won’t just help you feel better in the moment—they’ll help you make lasting changes in your life.
If I hadn’t worked through my attachment style in therapy, I might have ended up repeating the same old patterns in relationships. Instead, I’ve chosen a partner with a healthy, secure style—and this relationship brings me so much joy and happiness. Needless to say, it positively affects every other area of my life too. It was definitely the best investment in myself I’ve ever made.
I hope this helps,
Alina 🤍
Useful information:
If you're feeling down, several resources can offer support. You can contact Samaritans at 116 123 for confidential 24-hour support. Alternatively, you can call 111, the NHS helpline, or use their online service for mental health support. Mind also has a support line at 0300 102 1234, available 9 am to 6 pm, Monday to Friday, for a safe space to discuss mental health. For urgent situations, consider contacting your GP for an emergency appointment or your local mental health crisis team.
Free of low-cost counselling services in London:
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